my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
