It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
