What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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