i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
