im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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