dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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