Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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