fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
