I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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