a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
