The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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