If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
