In the future we'll all be gay
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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