Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
