In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
