Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
