Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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