I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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