Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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