I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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