This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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