You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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