I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
