So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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