Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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