Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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