Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Randomize
