On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
