Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize