Sry I called you an 8
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize