it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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