Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
