i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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