Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
