I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
