Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just puked most of my soul out..
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