Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
