Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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