i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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