My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize