Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
