she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
