I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
