Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
