I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
