Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
