Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
