everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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