I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
