He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
