Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
