I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
