Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
