As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
