I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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