"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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