I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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