I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
