i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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