i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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