one two three fourrrrnication!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
