Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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