dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize