Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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