made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
