Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
