In America we eat man semen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
