these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
