Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
