"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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