I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
