i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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