CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm always down for nudity.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
